The rise and fall of madison Marie

Why haven’t I felt like writing lately, everything is seeming like one enormous task after another. Where did all of my, get a million plus 1 things done motivation go? The wheels in my head just aren’t turning like they used to, I’m feeling as if I left my brain at Kroger and its gonna take weeks to get it back. What is this feeling? I Hate It!! I haven’t felt like my self in days. I’m starting to worry that I don’t even know who me is any more.

After kicking and screaming through these days I realize that it’s just my god damn hormones yet again knocking on the door. Only this time they’ve come in the form of an evil spirit or something trying to over throw my happiness.
I often think about the little tests that life tends to put us through. I think about why horrible things happen to great people, why does a perfect family lose their mother or a runner lose one of his legs. Is there a reason that we are put through such pain in a certain ironic way. Maybe I’m being put through one of those tests for accomplishing so much already this year. Can life be to good? Or do hormones really cause such deep state of depression for some on a monthly basis.

This is something I am really struggling with i’m hoping to get through it with out alienating all of my loved ones. I have been complaining about this for what seems like too long. I’m almost feeling like a bad person, complaining endlessly about something that maybe happens to some women all the time. I feel so lost and sad that my daughter is having to see me like this. That’s the one thing I feel worst about, how well can she pick up how I’m feeling? How much does a mothers mood affect their 1 year old? She seems happy as ever and she is learning so much I’m nearly baffled that she had made such strides while I feel like I’ve been moving in slow motion.

It’s even harder to be feeling like I have to go through this on my own. Living in Ann Arbor makes finding new friends with children at my age a very difficult task. Most of the other mothers around my age are single and their life style is drastically different. Being a stay at home mom in Ann Arbor is very rare and I really miss having friends to talk to about BS. Sure I have my husband but he has a hard time understanding why I am crying about the broken vacuum.

I’m slowly trying to dig my self out of this deep dark whole, hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel and I will learn something from these emotions. When I start to feel normal I can mark this whole week in the calendar and hope to prepare for its arrival some how, that I haven’t quite figured out yet. Writing all of my emotions down here will hopefully rid my body and brain of some of the crap. I already have a life time supply of chocolate, cookies,wine, bubble bath, and candles to soften the blow. I hope that will do the trick other wise I guess ill have to keep faith in myself and try to get lots of exercise. Wish me luck.


Hormones: the silent killer

Hormones.. Where do I even start. As a teenager I never really understood all the drama that our hormones inflicted on us. My friends would talk about the mood swings and the cramps but I got lucky, I didn’t experience much of a change I barely cried very often as it was. I hoped that my luck would last forever, but we all know nothing lasts forever.
My luck seemed to start to run out shortly after becoming pregnant. I suddenly found myself like many others unable to control much of anything at all honestly, but most off all unable to control my emotions. My body was experiencing an amount of estrogen it was not used to and I didn’t know how to handle it. I would cry about everything, every little bump along the road was the end of the world and it just got worse the further along my pregnancy got.
After having my daughter I assumed all would go back to normal eventually but apparently my luck had ran out for good. Breastfeeding just kept the enormous amount of estrogen running through my body in full affect. After having breastfed for about 6 months I finally was gaining control of my emotions and starting to feel normal again.
Around my daughters first birthday I got my period again after almost 2 years and it was like I felt better and more normal than ever before. Little did I know this would be short lived soon I was a full fledged teenager with all the things that came along with it. The cramps, mood swings and any other gory symptom you could think of. These symptoms last for almost three weeks out of the month and I get a lousy week or so of normalsy. There’s no telling if my body will ever go back to normal, I’m still breastfeeding so well see.
Through this experience I have gained sympathy for all women and there hormones it seems to me that men don’t cut us enough slack. Hormones really do deserve credit for creating the bitches, psychos and emotional women that many men encounter on a daily basis. I’m lucky enough to have a man who knows that I’m not always crazy and emotional and I don’t really hate him It’s just the hormones taking over my mind, body and soul leaving me with a clouded head and a dirty mouth. Sure there actually are some women that are fully aware of there actions and they deserve no reward for giving women like me a bad rep. The next time your wife or girlfriend flips out about the dirty dishes or left up toilet seat stop to realize she might not actually be mad she’s just hormonal and unfortunately there’s not a damn thing you or her can do about it.

More mommy must haves

#5 Dirt devil accucharge portable vacuum
A portable vacuum is one of the handiest mommy tools ever. My daughter doesn’t like to eat in her high chair very much, often times I find myself feeding her on the couch or as she’s running through the house. This would be a disaster if I didn’t have my dirt devil to clean up all the crumbs she leaves behind. This is the best one I have ever used the charge lasts for a long time and it even has a crevice tool built into the vacuum, I love it!

# 6 Gerber graduates lil crunchies
These are whole grain corn snacks kind of like cheese puffs for babies. I know not every one is fond of these kinds of snacks for babies but my life would probably be hell with out them. My daughter is addicted to them, wether she is sad, sick, hurt or hungry these make her smile every time. They make trips to the store a breeze. Just pack some in a zip lock and throw them in the diaper bag.

For more mommy must haves visit

I hate snow !!

Here in ann arbor Michigan we got almost a foot of snow! Not only do I hate snow but I hate being cooped up in the house even more. We quite literally are unable to go any where, our drive way is covered with a foot of snow and its reaching nearly 15 below.

Michigan was never my ideal place to live but we have a great house and my parents live very close. Michigan does however have one thing that I like which is a nice city. Before having my daughter I lived for going shopping, hanging out with my friends and dressing up as often as possible. Now I don’t get to do stuff like that as often as I would like. I miss wearing heels and all of my nice clothes most of all. Being a full time breast feeder leaves your wardrobe kind of limited to certain types of clothes. I tend to wear v-neck shirts, cowl neck sweaters and Henlys all day. I never imagined one could long for a turtleneck.

It kills me to just stay in the house cleaning everything for the seconds time, especially when I have all this Christmas money burning a hole in my pocket. The longer I have to stay in the house the more frustrated I get with Avery and then the more irritable she gets. All mommy’s need a little alone time especially the stay at home ones. I never want my entire life to be revolving around my children, I love my self too and deserve to do the things I want to do regardless of what any one thinks of them. If I am not happy and confident how will my children learn to be happy and confident.

1 stained carpet, 2 ruined couches and a very happy baby

You always hear people talk about the terrible twos but you never hear about this daredevil stage, where your child is climbing or trying to destroy everything in sight. I’m guessing you know what I’m talking about, your running through the house every time you hear an unfamiliar crash. This stage tends to happen when they finally master the art of walking and their curiosity gets the best of them.
Avery ( my daughter) climbs everything except for the book shelves ( knock on wood). I now find my self running into walls, tables and chairs in order to get from the kitchen or bathroom as fast as humanly possible. Who knows what new treacherous plan she will come up with in the millisecond I’m gone.
Broken vases, ruined carpets, injured children and tired parents. Do we get rid of every potential hazard? is that even possible, i don’t think so. I tend to like my house a certain way with my picture frames and flowers so this stage has been particularly frustrating for me. I don’t believe in putting away all the decorations and table cloths. Children have to learn discipline and its good to practice valuing the things you work hard for so your children can one day do the same. My way may result in one or two extra bumps and bruises but I hope we can make it through this stage with out any serious injuries and still living in a nicely decorated house.

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