When in doubt write it out

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Lately the words and feelings haven’t been flowing out of me like they used to. I started a blog to try and cope with the frustrating time I was having with my 16 month old. She was driving me crazy and I felt very alone in that struggle. I am thrilled to say It worked, writing a blog helped me in ways you wouldn’t believe.

Although I never thought of myself as a person who would need something like a blog to improve their life I’m finding that I really like it. I’m not a gifted writer I didn’t do great in English and my grammer is far from perfect, just ask my husband but that is the beauty of a blog you don’t have to get a degree or have an excellent vocabulary to get your thoughts heard. You just put them here and if they are even half way honest someone is bound to find them interesting.

I don’t have a hundred followers or a hundred likes but I still feel like my voice is heard and my frustrations are now just floating around the Internet instead of my head. One would be hard pressed to find a cheaper therapist than the paper and pencil. I no longer have this overwhelming feeling of dread every morning and I feel about a thousand times more confident in myself from just a few short months of blogging.

I know it sounds corny and cliche but I really do think starting this blog has changed my life. I would recommend it to any one struggling with who they are or where they are going, because just simply writing down something, anything can clear your head of life’s most trying obstacles.

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Don’t ever forget about YOU

As parents we tend to put our needs and wants aside for our children’s needs and wants. This is obviously necessary at times but I try to give my self as much attention as I do my child, parents deserve it don’t we! Why should my child be happy 24/7 if It means sacrificing my own happiness.

All parents have days that frustrate them to no end, I personally have a short temper so sometimes I reach the end of my rope. I start to think that my whole life is horrible and I just hate every second of the day, waiting till the kid finally goes to bed. It’s on days like this I hope to apply what I learned the other day. This last week was a hard week, I had record highs and lows quite like the weather (I hate snow), there wasn’t much I could do about it. One night after an endless day I did something I hadn’t done in a long time, I got my self a glass of wine put on some Sade and took a long shower. I just washed all of my frustrations away I cleared my head thinking about nothing but the water hitting my face. I hadn’t done this in ages it seemed like and it felt so right. I didn’t worry about cleaning, cooking, the baby, the weather nothing and I deserved every minute if it.

Finding this time in a day can be difficult, clearing your mind can be even more difficult when you have a busy house hold full of people and kids running around. Every mom should do this at least twice a month just lock yourself in the bathroom, once you do it it can provide you with at least a couple days of mental sanity and that’s worth the world to me.

Especially lately, I have been struggling to get my 16 month old to take a nap so while doing some research to find out what her deal is, what do I find instead of constructive ideas? I find criticizing and controversy, women who think we owe our children every second of our time or that its wrong to want a little ME time in the middle of the day. We the parents are people too we have needs, if we don’t take care of ourselves who will take care if our kids. I know I deserve this time and am willing to deal with a couple of tears to find it.

I’m really hoping to get to the bottom of these naps, if you have any advice for me feel free. Im running out of tricky ideas and I’ve tried everything, if not I guess it’s a couple of extra nights locked in the bathroom for me. Cheers!

Harvest oatmeal baby cookies

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I’m finally feeling like there is light at the end of this dark tunnel, maybe ill finally feel like myself again soon. This Michigan weather is definitely not helping my mood any, I’m thinking of maybe getting a sun lamp I’ve heard they can do great things for your mood. Until then my only comfort is baking I love baking now that I’m a mom. After dropping out of culinary school to start a family I discovered this new hobby and its one if the best things to do when your stuck in the house.

I love baking cookies and cakes, things that are especially hard to resist when your feeling down so I try to bake some (and the key word is some) healthier things when the mood strikes. I have been trying to perfect a recipe for baby cookies that I found on food.com using left over baby cereal. I think I finally found the perfect balance of sweet and savory for babies.

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To make you will need :
1/4 cup butter softened
1/8 cup molasses
1/8 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup wheat flour
2 cups baby oatmeal
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 zuchinni grated
1/2 carrot grated
1/2 jar of apple baby food
5 tbsp whole milk

Preheat oven to : 375 degrees
Grease cookie sheet

The recipe starts with :
butter
molasses
brown sugar
Mix together just until combined
You can use 1/4 cup molasses instead of sugar if your more of a health nut.

Mix in :
egg
vanilla

In seperate bowl mix:
whole wheat flour
baby oatmeal
cinnamon
baking soda
Set aside

In another bowl mix:
grated zuchinni
grated carrot
baby apple sauce

Combine all ingredients into egg mixture adding the whole milk than stir. Adding more milk if necessary to combine all ingredients.

Scoop by the tbsp and make flat discs placing an inch or so apart , these cookies do not change shape barely at all when cooked. Bake for 10 – 15 mins until bottoms are browned.

The cookies will come out smelling great cause of the cinnamon, its my favorite spice in the world I put it in everything. All though these cookies do not have a normal cookie like crunch they still taste great and are a serious god send during teething time when getting baby to eat anything but you can be a struggle. These cookies provide them with all the nutrients they need through out the day. I hope you all enjoy them!

The rise and fall of madison Marie

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Why haven’t I felt like writing lately, everything is seeming like one enormous task after another. Where did all of my, get a million plus 1 things done motivation go? The wheels in my head just aren’t turning like they used to, I’m feeling as if I left my brain at Kroger and its gonna take weeks to get it back. What is this feeling? I Hate It!! I haven’t felt like my self in days. I’m starting to worry that I don’t even know who me is any more.

After kicking and screaming through these days I realize that it’s just my god damn hormones yet again knocking on the door. Only this time they’ve come in the form of an evil spirit or something trying to over throw my happiness.
I often think about the little tests that life tends to put us through. I think about why horrible things happen to great people, why does a perfect family lose their mother or a runner lose one of his legs. Is there a reason that we are put through such pain in a certain ironic way. Maybe I’m being put through one of those tests for accomplishing so much already this year. Can life be to good? Or do hormones really cause such deep state of depression for some on a monthly basis.

This is something I am really struggling with i’m hoping to get through it with out alienating all of my loved ones. I have been complaining about this for what seems like too long. I’m almost feeling like a bad person, complaining endlessly about something that maybe happens to some women all the time. I feel so lost and sad that my daughter is having to see me like this. That’s the one thing I feel worst about, how well can she pick up how I’m feeling? How much does a mothers mood affect their 1 year old? She seems happy as ever and she is learning so much I’m nearly baffled that she had made such strides while I feel like I’ve been moving in slow motion.

It’s even harder to be feeling like I have to go through this on my own. Living in Ann Arbor makes finding new friends with children at my age a very difficult task. Most of the other mothers around my age are single and their life style is drastically different. Being a stay at home mom in Ann Arbor is very rare and I really miss having friends to talk to about BS. Sure I have my husband but he has a hard time understanding why I am crying about the broken vacuum.

I’m slowly trying to dig my self out of this deep dark whole, hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel and I will learn something from these emotions. When I start to feel normal I can mark this whole week in the calendar and hope to prepare for its arrival some how, that I haven’t quite figured out yet. Writing all of my emotions down here will hopefully rid my body and brain of some of the crap. I already have a life time supply of chocolate, cookies,wine, bubble bath, and candles to soften the blow. I hope that will do the trick other wise I guess ill have to keep faith in myself and try to get lots of exercise. Wish me luck.

Hormones: the silent killer

Hormones.. Where do I even start. As a teenager I never really understood all the drama that our hormones inflicted on us. My friends would talk about the mood swings and the cramps but I got lucky, I didn’t experience much of a change I barely cried very often as it was. I hoped that my luck would last forever, but we all know nothing lasts forever.
My luck seemed to start to run out shortly after becoming pregnant. I suddenly found myself like many others unable to control much of anything at all honestly, but most off all unable to control my emotions. My body was experiencing an amount of estrogen it was not used to and I didn’t know how to handle it. I would cry about everything, every little bump along the road was the end of the world and it just got worse the further along my pregnancy got.
After having my daughter I assumed all would go back to normal eventually but apparently my luck had ran out for good. Breastfeeding just kept the enormous amount of estrogen running through my body in full affect. After having breastfed for about 6 months I finally was gaining control of my emotions and starting to feel normal again.
Around my daughters first birthday I got my period again after almost 2 years and it was like I felt better and more normal than ever before. Little did I know this would be short lived soon I was a full fledged teenager with all the things that came along with it. The cramps, mood swings and any other gory symptom you could think of. These symptoms last for almost three weeks out of the month and I get a lousy week or so of normalsy. There’s no telling if my body will ever go back to normal, I’m still breastfeeding so well see.
Through this experience I have gained sympathy for all women and there hormones it seems to me that men don’t cut us enough slack. Hormones really do deserve credit for creating the bitches, psychos and emotional women that many men encounter on a daily basis. I’m lucky enough to have a man who knows that I’m not always crazy and emotional and I don’t really hate him It’s just the hormones taking over my mind, body and soul leaving me with a clouded head and a dirty mouth. Sure there actually are some women that are fully aware of there actions and they deserve no reward for giving women like me a bad rep. The next time your wife or girlfriend flips out about the dirty dishes or left up toilet seat stop to realize she might not actually be mad she’s just hormonal and unfortunately there’s not a damn thing you or her can do about it.

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